cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
It was confusing and full of hummus
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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