The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
