i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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