i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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