I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
