RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Shame is for Republicans.
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