ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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