We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
