last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
