he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
