If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
