I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think my vagina is haunted
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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