i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
