Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
