I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
