i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
