I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
