you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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