if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
