i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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