bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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