i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize