i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
