I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
