Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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