My liver just broke up with me...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
