Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize