her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
