She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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