So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
