Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
