If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
