if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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