A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
