Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize