I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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