I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize