best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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