no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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