He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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