Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
