My hand turned me down
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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