So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
