I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
