Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
