he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
