I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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