College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
