You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
