I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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