I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize