brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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