Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
