Whatcha textin bout Willis?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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