Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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