Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
