I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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