Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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