youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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