I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
