She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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