anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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