Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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