Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize