I'm eating all of the evidence.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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