her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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