I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
