I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
