Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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