this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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