I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
