I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize