I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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